The Little Red Riding Hooded Jew
by ChocoholicScot
Summary: Kyle was on his way to see his stubborn, feisty, annoying and vodka loving grandmother who is poorly sick and lives in the forest outside his home town. On his journey he meets a sly and overweight Wolf, a perverted Cougar and a kind and HOT Ranger. 31/3/13 - Holy SHIT I need to rewrite this crap! I can't believe how much my writing has changed but will get around to it soon.
1. Kyle The Unfortunate

**Authors Note: **I have made this for one of my favourite, great and fantastic South Park artist, AzngirlLH and for all the Style and K2 fans out there. I got inspired when I saw a picture of Kyle dressed up as Red Riding Hood and the others who are fighting over who should be the wolf that takes...I mean, _eats _

Please review and give me a few tips to improve on my writing please, I would be very grateful if you guys did.=)

Thank you for reading my note!^^

Also for warnings, this is Yaoi which means BoyxBoy but don't worry they are in their **much** older teens in this story (like 16, 17, 18, whatever suits you).

There could possibly be sexual harassment and **ALMOST** rape in the later chapters (if I continue).

There could also be a slight OOC in the later chapters as well, just to warn you but I'm not that sure.

**Summery (FULL)**

Kyle is on his way to see his stubborn, feisty, annoying and vodka loving grandmother that is poorly sick and who lives in the forest outside his home town. On his journey he meets a sly and overweighted Wolf, a perverted Cougar and a nice, kind and **HOT** Rookie Ranger.

**Disclaimer**

I do not own the characters of South Park that is created and owned by the masterminds of it all, Matt Stone n' Trey Parker.

I also do not own "Little Red Riding Hood".

I did not make this for profit but only for entertainment.

* * *

Chapter 1 – Kyle The Unfortunate

Kyle didn't like visiting his grandma Mara.

She always nag about how he looks not like how a proper 16-year-old young man should look in her view. Although she does complain about how skinny he is, how there isn't enough meat on him to build some muscles but it was mostly about his slightly shoulder length, curly auburn hair that makes her complain and nag more about and to him. She still keeps yapping to his father and her only other young son that he should make him get a hair cut to make him have a more _masculine_ look instead of some hippie or girls hairdo.

It is starting to annoy his father and _especially _his mother, who usual would not tolerate of being told how to look after and tell her own son what to do by another person.

Also she used to brag about why he doesn't have that much sport hobbies or grades in school for it, but instead has more grades of Maths, Science and every one subject and his interests that involves of using your brain and knowledge more than using your brawn and body. She always said that he should get a more manly and useful job like farming for her example (she was obviously in her old way and point view of what genders should do for their jobs and lives exactly how she was brought up). However he does material arts and self-defence classes which does help him calm down his anger. For another advantage, that's only one of the things that his grandma was _slightly_ happy about.

She just annoys him that much. Sometimes he just wishes that she was the one dead instead of his lovely, kind-hearted, supportive and gentle grandmother Cleo. As much as it does sound horrible but its just the way he feels about her most of the time.

Them two did get along fine when he was younger and before he hit puberty.

She was still nice to him when she wasn't in one of her grouchy and miserable moods that mostly set her off about her views on Kyle and his personnel life. Now she's starting to accept about his choices for his careers and jobs in the near future. However she is still on about his hair, appearance and body that also still does heat up his temper.

Unfortunately, he has to go see her because she was very sick. His father and (surprisingly) his mother were worried about her and asked him if he could just drop by and deliver the goods, medicine and her favourite drink that she demanded on the phone to his dad, Smirnoff Vodka.

_**Great, just great...**_ He thought to himself back then.

It wasn't the idea of seeing her that _does_ put him off slightly, it was the idea of walking through the woods what **really **put him off. Since there were a lot of news reports recently about hikers gone missing and a blood thirsty and savage wolf that escaped from South Park Animal Control just outside his home town.

Why? Just why did his grandmother had to be sick at a time like this.

But there was a bit of luck that did lifted up his spirits (slightly). His mother lets him burrow her car to see his grandmother, which was great for him then that he didn't need to walk through the woods.

He was glad and happy about that.

But you know what the _really_ worst part is... He's lost in the middle of the huge forest and is far away from civilisation with a car that, unfortunately broke down because of his stupid and forgetful dad who had completely forgot to go to the mechanics to get the **cylinders** of the engine seeing to.

"Fantastic...This is just fucking fantastic!" He said very loudly to himself. He already tried his mobile phone but it was out of signal and low in battery _again_. Why does he always have to forget to charge his phone, even his little 10-year-old Canadian brother, Ike told him off to put it on charge before he went to bed.

He kicked one of the front wheels of his mothers small, old red car in frustration and annoyance. He sat on the bonnet of the vehicle and hunched over covering his face with his already numb and exposed fair skinned hands.

Now what is he going to do.

He is already 7 or 8 miles in the woodland completely lost, so the only option he can think of is to walk to his grandma's, use her telephone and call his parents to tell them what has happened. Luckily he was only 2 miles and-a-half away from his grandmothers place, which only took an hour and 25 minutes if he remembered which path is the short-cut that he used to take when he was a child.

"Yeah, that's what I'll do." He said assuringly to himself. He shivered and remembered how cold it was, even though it was at the end of Spring but in the mountains it was mostly cold no matter if it was the beginning of the Hot Season. Being in his t-shirt is not a good idea to be standing around in.

He quickly opened the back door and got out the Irish green sleeved and orange cardigan that his aunty gave to him at Hanukkah.

But he knew it wasn't warm enough. He needed another piece of clothing that could at least be thick enough to keep him warm.

That's when he saw it.

The blood red cloak that was made of fine-woven brushed wool. The hood was lined in velvet that was a darker shade of red, and the clasp was a solid golden star of David with a small emerald that glimmers and matches his eyes set in the centre. The cloak was from his grandmother Cleo who gave and passed on to his mother when she was around the same age as him.

He thought his mother lost it or gave it to some charity shop for she was far to big to wear it now, although when she was a bit more slimmer when she was younger and then started to have problems of losing weight after giving birth to Kyle, but however the cloak amazingly fitted her all the same.

But unfortunately, she was starting to gain a bit more weight since she was slowly losing to age that caused her to have a few joint problems that meant she wasn't able to move around as much as before. It was obvious that she was far too big for it now.

Kyle was so pleased that he found it and quickly put it on and run his hands up and down the still soft material of the well kept and beautiful red cloak. Then he went to the passengers door and picked up the large wooden pick-nick basket with a red check cloth covering over the goods and medicine in it.

Then he looked down himself and he sort of felt _pretty_ wearing the lovely red cloak. He also thought he looked like some female character off some Fairy Tale story with some creature in it what his grandmother Cleo and his mother told to him when he was very young. Ah, oh well he wasn't the type who wasn't into that much of Fairy Tale stories that he doesn't bother to remember and do with anyway.

He then looked up to the sky which the sun was now in its highest. Kyle knew he had better get going, or he might end up in the darkness lost in the woods that unnerved him.

So he checked if he has everything he needed, took out a piece of paper and written down a message to any passer-bys that could be curious of who left their car there, then finally locked his mothers car and put the keys in his jean pocket.

He moved on to the thin forest made, dirt track and set off onwards to his grandma Mara's cottage...

That he was so dreading.

* * *

So, how did I do?

Should I continue or do another story?

~Jos

EDIT: I have sorted out all the spelling mistakes and some of the missing words, thank you tazzr.! ^3^


	2. The Fat Wolf and The Perverted Cougar

**Authors Note: **Thank you all for the lovely reviews and for encouraging me to continue with the story. I also want to especially thank tazrr and InsomniaticFrenchToast for telling me that I had a few spelling mistakes in the first chapter. Thank you darlings.^3^

Also, I have edited it and added a few missing words and added a few more things to it.

I would also like to add, I'm using both English (UK) and English (USA) because I'm British and the characters are American.

I also would add that unfortunately I couldn't find the picture from deviantART that inspired me and I could not remember who the artiest was! I'm very sorry that I could not find the cute and funny picture of Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Cartman and I had looked through my history.T.T However, I did find an other picture that does have Kyle dressed up as RRH, Stan as the Hunter and Kenny as the Big Bad Wolf (Cartman was possibly the granny since in most LRRH stories that she was eaten by the Wolf and he wasn't in the pic).

Here's the link to it. - .com/art/SP-Happy-Halloween-102418796. Just copy and paste into your search bar (I think that's what it is called, basically the bar above you right now).

Anyway, I hope this chapter would be good like the last one and in it, it will introduce two certain characters that some of you were possibly wondering when they will appear.^ ~

Now, on with the story and enjoy!^^

**Disclaimer**

I do not own the characters of South Park that is created and owned by the masterminds of it all, Matt Stone n' Trey Parker.

I also do not own "Little Red Riding Hood".

I did not make this for profit but only for entertainment.

* * *

**Previously(NEW VERSION)  
**

~He then looked up to the sky which the sun was now in its highest. Kyle knew he had better get going, or he might end up in the darkness lost in the woods that unnerved him.

So he checked if he has everything he needed, took out a piece of paper and written down a message to any passer-bys that could be curious of who left their car there, then finally locked his mothers car and put the keys in his jean pocket.

He moved on to the thin forest made, dirt track and set off onwards to his grandma Mara's cottage...

That he was so dreading.~ End Of Chapter

* * *

Chapter 2 – The Fat Wolf and the Pervert Cougar

While the male teenager was walking away and humming his favourite song to himself, he wasn't aware that he was being watched by a savage looking, sadistic, overweighted brown haired wolf. The wolf was hiding behind a pine tree, running his long moist pink tongue over his lips and his small, sly reddish brown eyes lingered over the delicious looking, young Jew who is very indeed attractive.

The wolf decided that he would do something more _fun _with the cute and innocent looking boy that would soon be his next victim. After all, since after tormenting, killing and eating all those hikers that came though the forest have certainly filled him up, with a few pickings of small woodland creatures on the side.

So many possibilities that are running through his sick twisted mind for what he could do with the red head. He wasn't usually attracted to ginger or red furred animals and haired humans (just eats them if he is totally starving), but this certain young lad has definitely got the wolf's sights targeted on him.

Oh he certainly was going to have some _real_ fun with the young boy.

However there was a problem. A new and _better _rookieWood Ranger was the very big part that's in his way of taking the Jew. That little prick Ranger has been in his way ever since the reports of hikers gone missing that have been piling up and was one of the top main, and most popular stories in the whole of the state. God how that Ranger was a total and worse pain in the ass for him.

He made up a plan that was hopefully going to work and get him what he wants. The wolf came out behind the large trunk of the pine tree that was the exact size as him and quickly made his way onto the thin dirt track, that has been taken by his prize.

He didn't really need to keep his eye on him, since his scent has already been picked up by the twisted wolf and it was just intoxicating to him and his senses.

While he was walking being careful not to step on any twigs that would possibly alert the teenager. No, the wolf certainly didn't want that. Also it wasn't in his plan for what he's going to do, he had another great and newer way to mess and torture with the curly red head. He just has to make sure that damn Ranger wouldn't be able to hear the cries or see what he was doing to the cute little teen.

God, he's already imaging what the human males blood would smell and taste like. Oh yes, how his expression would turn to ultimate horror and complete sheer terror would cross his large and beautiful emeralds. By this point, he was panting and starting to feel **hot** just thinking and _imaging_ the young Jewish teenager's fear and being tricked by the wolf, himself. The wolf wanted to do something different and _special _between the teen and himself. Unlike some of the fast or mindless killings of some of his recent victims he sometimes didn't need to eat, but just for the hell of it.

While the fat wolf was in his own world remembering all of the hikers that were his victims he tormented and killed, he sensed that someone or some_thing_ was following him. He knew it wasn't a person, even that pesky Ranger from what his sharp nose is confirming to him. But he is definitely not alone.

He stood still and concentrate on what it is that is following him. The atmosphere around the predictor quickly turned into total silence.

He sniffed the air more than 5 seconds later. Then finally recognized that musky scent.

The wolf bared his sharp, dingy white teeth and gave out a annoyed sigh for he knew what the creature was.

He turned around and moved towards the second large oak tree. Then the overweighted predictor placed his left scarred hairy hand on the trunk and shook the tree with his mighty strength, and then came a big figure falling out of the large oak with a yelp of surprise and then an "huff" while falling onto a blue berry bush that cushioned its landing.

Then popped up a cougar, that was rubbing his head with his hand that was on the place where he hit his head on a branch during his journey down. While the strange creature was rubbing his head, the wolf stomped over towards him and grabbed him by the collar of his dirty, sleeveless orange hoodie that the odd big cat's wearing.

The fat wolf was really not pleased by this. He was barring his teeth in total anger and annoyance that had crossed over his twisted wolf face.

"What the hell are you doin' followin' me, cougah?" He asked in his trademark accent that was full of anger and annoyance towards the surprised but quickly recovered feline. The unhooded cougar quickly pushed the wolf away from him and stood up on his legs. He is taller than the wolf but is _way_ more skinnier than the other overweighted predictor.

"Well, what do you want you piece of shit!" The wolf was getting really frustrated and impatient by the taller cougar that is basically towering over him. Then without warning the big blonde cat pushed the fat wolf up against the oak tree that he was up in before. This time it was his turn to take hold of the other.

His sky blue eyes held amusement while staring down at the fat struggling wolf that finally stood still and letting the cat respond to him.

"Oh nothing... Just thought I may as well follow you, wolfie." He smiled with his pearly white sharp teeth that seem to shine each time the sun or moon light hits them, and sometimes seem to glow in the dark when his mouth is open.

The wolf really was starting to lose his patience. He curled up his fist and tried to hit the cougar to show that he was not in the mood for stupid games. The big feline quickly jumped back and missed the big fist, he was much more quicker than the other creature.

The wolf tried again and again at hitting the annoying, fast cougar that still had that amusing smile on his face that was starting to get bigger each time. After at about 5 or 6 attempt punches the wolf knew he needed to go, the scent of his prize was starting to fade.

So he stopped and stared hard at the cougar that was still moving in his graceful and light fast moving steps.

"OK! What do you fucking want!" He shouted at the other in frustration and the veins in his neck and forehead were bulging out in anger. The cougar stopped and looked at the wolf with an even more amusing look on his face.

"Oh come on, Fat Ass. Isn't it easy for you to figure it out by yourself?"

"I don't give two shits, I'm in a hurry so just hurry up and say whatever the hell you are wanting!" The wolf shouted at the top of his lungs that made the birds fly away from the near by trees. This only amused the Cheshire cat smiling cougar even more.

"Okay big guy, I _know_ what you are up to. I know you're after that cute and fine-piece of ass red head teenager, you're not the only creature that is interested in him. Also just to tell you, your so-called idea of getting him to trust you won't work since I know that kid isn't that stupid and naïve to fall for your idea of earning his trust." That was very true. The wolf knew that the Jew wouldn't fall for it and his appearance would make him both suspicious and very uncomfortable, since he's a wolf that is obviously a predatory mammal (also he can stand on two legs and still has some dried blood at the corners of his mouth and slightly reeks of it).

He sighed at this. He knew that the cougar was right, so he needs to think of a new plan.

Suddenly his brown eyes widen and he sniffed the air to make sure. Then he moved franticly away from the tree and the cougar. He couldn't believe it, and he doesn't want to but it has happened.

He lost the scent of the short, Jewish red haired teenager. He kept chanting the word "No" to himself, then he quickly went onto the ground and grabbed hand fulls of earth, and sniffed it desperately to try and get back the scent.

The tall cougar was puzzled at first, then a huge smile came across his face and went over to stand beside and look at the desperate and crazy looking wolf.

"..No, no, no... NO! Shit! Fucking shitting..." The wolf was swearing all the swear words he knew and has already said, while punching the ground underneath him in rage and disappointment.

The smiling cougar was enjoying this, seeing the so-called big, tough guy in this whole god-forsaken and unfair forest. So he decided to end the suffering for the quivering heap of fat, taking a safe distance between him and the now pathetic looking and sobbing wolf.

"You know, I have his scent and know where he is and is going at this point." He said to the wolf that now stopped sobbing and shaking. He looked up behind him and stared at the cougar with still tear filled, small brown eyes. He slowly got up and turned around to face the wicked smiling cougar. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand and sniffed from crying.

"Y-you do?" He said with hope shining in his eyes. It did creep out the cougar a bit but he was still enjoying it all the same.

"Yeah of course I do. After all, I did _read_ the message in the windscreen of his car that gives me the information of where he is going. Also, he had dropped his..._dirty laundry_ that helps me know what his scent is and since I do have a much more _sharper _nose unlike you do," At the mentioning of his dirty clothing, the big cat pulled out a pair of navy blue with stars of David boxers from his orange hoodie. Then he sharply inhaled the sweet smell of the red head Jew's boxers. The perverted cat heaved out a huge sigh of relief. Then he put them back into his pocket and looked back at the fat, dumbfounded and jealous looking wolf. "If we hurry up to get to him anyway."

"Hell yes! Lets go, lets go! Where is it? Where is he going to? Where... Oh just tell me god damn it!" He cried excitingly at the big cat and was on him holding on to his hoodie with desperation clearly shown on his face. The cat then shoved his hand into the wolfs face to get him away from his personnel space. When the wolf had finally got the message and moved away from him, he glared at the cat that looked right back at him with a serious expression plastered on his face.

"Tell you? Just tell you where he is? Ha! What do you take for me, wolf? I maybe not a total genius, but I am still much more cleaver than you are. This has something in it for me as well. I want to have the share of the reward, and I _will_ be the one who gets to have fun with him first...for 3 whole hours. You got that?" The wolf nodded morosely. He knew that this guy would want to take part of this.

_**God damn it! **_He thought annoyed to himself. The cat still stared at him, waiting for him to respond by speaking and not just by body language.

"Ah, okay fine! You get to be apart of it too. So, where is he then?" The wolf looked hard at the grinning tall blonde cat. The cougar walked passed the wolf and stopped in the middle of the dirt track a few feet from him. He motioned to the other to come beside him, the annoyed fat wolf grunted and quickly was at the amused feline's side.

"By the way, what is your name anyway wolf?" The cougar asked the wolf.

"Its Eric Cartman. Why the hell do you want to know?"

"The reason why is that I won't keep calling you, "Wolf" and using nicknames like,"Fat ass" Fat ass."

"Fuck you Cougah! Anyway, what's your name since you know mine?"

"Kenny, nice to finally, properly meet you Cartman."

"Yeah, its _nice _to properly meet you too Kennah..." The wolf named Eric Cartman said to the tall cougar called Kenny.

"Its Kenny not "Kennah" fat ass."

"...Shut the hell up cougah."

After they introduced to each other, they finally set off down the path discussing their new plan on their way to find their young and delicious red headed prey.

* * *

There you guys go, the second chappie of my twisted Fairy Tale version of South Park. Did I do good?

Also, I know I made this lounger than the first one but I just got carried away. The story practically wrote it itself

Also I don't think I would be on for a while 'cause of assignments and homework I have to do, but I will try and get back to writing the next chapter of my story as soon as possible.

Anyway, I hoped that you all have enjoyed it and see you.=D

~Jos


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